The Paradigm of Banking – Start of the Testament

This article is the output of a disturbed mind and may not follow any discernible pattern of composition. Comprehension of the article is merely a luxury and not a necessity in any right.

First, Why this Blog?

Banking is a respectable profession, so they say and so I accepted! Having hurled myself across the finishing line of a campus recruitment process, I was, at first, delighted. Of course, it doesn’t take long time for the ph levels to come down heavily and signal red.

The first doubts are always the best doubts – in my case, “why bank?”

The Genesis

Across the board that we call the world, people have developed various prejudices – many of these are, thankfully, not transnational. If it’s the caste that casts a shadow over the progress of India, then the bane towards development of America’s non-professional life (however miniscule) is the colour and race. In professional life, it is the presence (or absence) of certain organs among Homo sapiens that seems to be the determining factor of competency.

However, there is just one class whose very name evokes the worst of trepidation, consternation or for the want of a more superlative word – apprehension. Just who is this class?

Let me introduce to you the two species – Homo Bankus Genitalis and Homo Bankus Leechers. [Some Zoologists are of the opinion that the former should be called Homo Bankus Gentlis and that the current word is merely a representation of the frustration that the ‘gewöhnliche leute’ feels towards this species]

Well, the most amazing thing about these two species is that both are auto-mutatagenic i.e. a member of one species can be easily mistaken for another. One leading professor studying species claims that the banker species is essentially Homo Leechers and that the Homo Genitalis is merely a camouflage of the Leechers. Outrageous? Not exactly- ask anyone who’s gone to a bank.

The Exodus

This clan was always on the run. The simple reason was no-one liked them- not even Shakespeare. It is, of course, wrongly assumed that the first Shylocks (or bankers) were born out of Florence and Genoa. Well, this is nothing but a well planned cover created by Homo sapiens to hide their own hideous past.

God was a banker – otherwise why would he put a apple tree right in the middle of the garden? And to make sure that the borrowers broke the contract, he threw in a free snake – thus dooming the latter to a life of perpetual ignominy.

[Some people would argue that God was a landlord, an insurance agent. Well, all these types are merely typos (for the uninitiated, typo means a ‘spelling mistake’) of the Homo Leechers]

When did the Exodus take place?

Through out the history, it has been taking place. Me going the East Coast (India) is merely a blip in the radar. [Wonder why they call it the East Coast when potable water is the only thing you wouldn’t find along the Coast]

The Jews did their fair share of travelling. Most of them went to the Promised Land while the few remaining went to raise a ruckus in Israel.

[Readers: Please note that I am not anti-Semitic; instead I am a great believer in the Indo-Israel-U.S bhai-bhai-bhai tea time crap]

The Baniyas and the Mardus of India have not spared any place. Last heard, some of them bought land on Moon so that they could have exclusive rights over the first Indian slaves exported to that place. Trust me when I claim that they say the time as “11 Rs, 33 Paisa”. Seconds have not yet made its debut into the Baniyas Linguistic Manual due to the obvious lack of an equivalent monetary unit.

I am sure that the reader is quite capable of associating such people in their own cultures.

I can safely vouch that every inhabited or uninhabited (these Hollywood celebs are crazy people) country in this world will have at least two moneylenders.

When did they stop running?

The Americans [sole owners of the freedom to protect my freedoms] deserve the credit of this. The Robber Barons of the 1800’s showed Shylock on how to extract a pound of flesh without a drop of blood.

Feed the people on the 7 sins and give them lots of dope – vegetal, verbal, and voyeural [or in worse case scenarios, Viral]

The start of the virtual decay in the way Homo sapiens started treating other colleagues can be credited to those times.

It is a tribute to the banker that he has now be able to express the relationship of

(1) A father-son as a merely a function of payback period;

(2) While a marriage can be expressed as an NPV of an asset leading to tangibles outflows and intangible inflows throughout the lifetime of the asset

Contd….